In the Face of Doubt

In all my learning over the years, I have always been one to ask questions. You can ask my mom. I had

figured basic algebra out in first grade because I didn't like the way I was supposed to do them with little counters. But whether it has been in elementary math or in my love for politics, I have always grown the most when I ask questions that make me push deeper and deeper.

This pattern has continued in my study of the gospel. It's tricky, because as important as my first grade math classwork was, eternal life wasn't in play. Sometimes, my questions have really troubled me. I have given countless hours of study and pondering to issues that, in the end, frankly don't end up mattering. After reading another blog this morning (I am Mormon, and I Have Questions), I thought I would share some of what I have learned in dealing with my own questions, and how I've managed to keep these questions from turning into doubts.

First, we must recognize that these questions - and even doubts that stem from questions - are normal. Even more than normal, they can be quite useful! Peter taught that we should meet trials of faith with rejoicing, because they are "much more precious than of gold that perisheth" (1 Peter 1:6-7). In the same vein, Paul plead with the saints to "cast not away therefore your confidence" and have patience, because "endur[ing] a great fight of afflictions" has happened since the day those to whom he was speaking declared their allegiance to the Savior (Hebrews 10: 32, 35-36). Difficulties and trials are not signs that your faith is amiss!

Satan's main goal against us to make us miserable (2 Nephi 2:27), and unfortunately for us, he is very good at doing so. A mission has opened my eyes to what trials are like. I have seen people and families go through things I knew happened, but had never witnessed actually happening. My trials, in some ways thankfully, have never been so physical, so real. My trials have always been aimed at my investigative, I-need-to-understand-EVERYTHING side. Elder Paul V. Johsnon said something that I love, though:

"At times it may seem that our trials are focused on areas of our lives and parts of our souls with which we seem least able to cope. Since personal growth is
an intended outcome of these challenges, it should come as no surprise that the trials can be very personal - almost laser guided to our particular needs or weaknesses."

My trials often come in the form of unanswered questions. These trials will come, and in fact they will make - and have made - me better. My testimony of obedience to commandments, the purpose of God's grace, the necessity of living prophets, the divine translation of the Book of Mormon, and our place in the Plan of Salvation have all stemmed from a question I have asked and studiously searched for answers.

I am sad to admit, sometimes I have allowed these questions - even if in the end they worked for my good (Doctrine and Covenants 122:7) - to make me miserable. It is much better when we take Larry Hiller's advice:

"For me, things I don't understand about the gospel are like pieces of a larger puzzle I'm working on. If I don't see where they fit, I put them aside and work on other parts of the picture. From time to time I pick them up and look at them. If I still don't see how they fit, I put them aside again. I have already received a witness that the whole picture - the restored gospel - is true and complete, so I don't worry about the pieces that haven't come together yet for me. They will."

I love that. We know the fullness of the gospel is true. We can see that in prayers that are answered, miracles that have occurred, peace we have felt, and experiences that could not be explained in any other
way. If something doesn't quite fit in our minds right now, we don't need to stress about it too much. The whole is true, and so the parts are, too.

Don't forget that presently "we see through a glass, darkly" (1 Corinthians 13:12). I always imagine looking at someone through an IBC Rootbeer bottle (I'm on a mission... I had to keep my bottles G-rated). I might recognize them, but I just might confuse them with someone else entirely. I won't know their eye color. Their face will be elongated. There will be some things I do not understand. Sure, as I hear their voice and see how they act, I will come to know more, but for the time, I might be confused. That is how the gospel works. It leaves room for further learning, but we must not get frustrated with it or allow ourselves to get discontent with our testimonies.

Oliver Cowdery once asked for more. He had seen many miracles, both great and small, in his life, yet still wanted further conviction of the truthfulness of the work he was helping move along. The Lord told him:

 "Verily, verily, I say unto thee, blessed art thou for what thou hast done; for thou hast inquired of me, and behold, as often as thou hast inquired thou hast received instruction of my Spirit. If it had not been so, thou wouldst not have come to the place where thou art at this time. ... Verily, verily, I say unto you, if you desire a further witness, cast your mind upon the night that you cried unto me in your heart, that you might know concerning the truth of these things. Did I not speak peace to your mind concerning the matter? What greater witness can you have than from God?" (Doctrine and Covenants 6:14, 22-23)

We are allowed to ask questions. We are in fact encouraged to ask questions. But, most often, we learn through our past experiences, as President Eyring described in the August Ensign and as Oliver Cowdery was admonished to do in Section 6, or through our slow but sure studying and obedience to the light we have already received. President Joseph F. Smith put it bluntly:

"Show me Latter-day Saints who have to feed upon miracles, signs and visions in order to keep them steadfast in the Church, and I will show you members... who are not in good standing with God, and who are walking in slippery paths. It is not by marvelous manifestations unto us that we shall be established in the truth, but it is by humility and faithful obedience to the commandments of God."

Never forget that trials are part of our growth. A testimony cannot be founded on scholarly research, or it fails to be faith. We will never be left with so little as to not allow faith, but the laws of agency require that the gospel cannot be "proved" by secular means. If there is ever a question that you have that you cannot yet answer, it is okay. I always am comforted by Elder Holland's encouragement:

"So if your prayers don't always seem answered, take heart. One greater than you... cried 'Eli, Eli, lama sabachthani? My God, My God, why hast thou forsaken me?' If for a while the harder you try, the harder it gets, take heart. So it has been with the best people who ever lived."

It is important that we study and learn. It is central to God's plan, even. If you are like me, the only effective study begins by asking questions. However, it is fundamental that we learn "line upon line, precept upon precept, here a little and there a little" (2 Nephi 28:30) and are careful to not get caught up in "looking beyond the mark" (Jacob 4:14). When we do so, we receive more than we are capable of receiving, and end up in a muddled, at times torturous state. We have more revealed to us in this dispensation than ever before, and are promised that if we act well on what we have, we will receive more (Doctrine and Covenants 50:24). The imperative thing is that we don't forget how much we have. We know who we are, we know whose children we are, and we know what we and our Heavenly Parents are capable of. While we may not know all things, we know a lot. As my mission president, President Francis, often tells me, "When we look to the Son, we can never be caught in the shadows."

For further study:

2 Timothy 1:7

1 Peter 4:12-13

John 14:26

Mosiah 4:30

Matthew 16:17 and John 20:25, 29

Hebrews 12:11

1 Nephi 11:17

Proverbs 3:5-6

Mark 9:24

Words of Mormon 1:7

Alma 7:8

Isaiah 55:8-9

"The Spirit of Revelation" by Elder Bednar

"To Hold Sacred" by Elder Pieper

"More Than Conquerors Through Him Who Loved Us" by Elder Johnson

"Waiting on the Road to Damascus" by President Uchtdorf

"Cast Not Away Therefore Your Confidence" by Elder Holland

"Lord, I Believe" by Elder Holland