I'm Glad They Called Me on a Mission: My farewell post

When I was working on turning in my mission papers (more or less my application to serve as a missionary), I sat down with my stake president to discuss a number of aspects of my preparation for my mission. As the interview went on, I eventually expressed some concerns that I had about going on a mission. Let's be real, leaving home for two years to jump into a 24/7 job of sharing something very personal and important to you with complete strangers is intimidating. Plus, I was quite enjoying my life at home. I was loving college, had a number of members of my fraternity encouraging me to run for a leadership position within the fraternity, had a professor encouraging me to work a little more on my final research paper in order to publish it, and numerous other things that were all showing up at the same time. I explained this all to my stake president; his reply has stuck with me ever since:

"Bracken, I promise you, whether you get called to Idaho or Nigeria, you  will come back changed. And then, you'll look back at these worries you had and you will laugh."

Now, as my mission closes up in about three days, I look back, and I laugh. My mission has changed everything.

We often use the term "instrument in the Lord's hands" when describing our role in God's missionary work. He takes us and utilizes what we have to offer, vastly exceeding what we could ever do without His help. I am always struck by this passage of the Book of Mormon, in which the Lord is represented as a Lord over an olive vineyard, guiding his servants along as they seek to build up his vineyard:

"And it came to pass that when the Lord of the vineyard saw that his fruit was good, and that his vineyard was no more corrupt, he called up his servants, and said unto them: Behold, for this last time have we nourished my vineyard; and thou beholdest that I have done according to my will; and I have preserved the natural fruit, that it is good, even like as it was in the beginning. And blessed art thou; for because ye have been diligent in laboring with me in my vineyard, and have kept my commandments, and have brought unto me again the natural fruit, that my vineyard is no more corrupted, and the bad is cast away, behold ye shall have joy with me because of the fruit of my vineyard." - Jacob 5:75 (emphasis added)

I love that. For the past two years, I have worked with the Lord of this great vineyard in doing His great work.

I've thought a lot about what I would write about for my last post as a missionary. And, in all honesty, nothing great and groundbreaking came to my mind. But, I hope I can share a few things that I have learned on my mission, that might be of some help to you in some way, shape or form.


First, it's that we are not stationary beings. We are constantly moving and changing. David O. McKay famously said, "The purpose of the gospel is . . . to make bad men good and good men better, and to change human nature." I have seen a little bit of all three of those on my mission. I have seen people pull themselves out of some absolutely wretched conditions; yet they weren't pulling themselves out. They found the Savior. They felt the Spirit. They relied on their Father in Heaven. And then They - that divine Godhead - pulled those who I grew close with out of some absolutely wretched conditions.

Again to Jacob 5, this time verse 21:

"And it came to pass that the servant said unto his master: How comest thou hither to plant this tree, or this branch of the tree? For behold, it was the poorest spot in all the land of thy vineyard." 

Essentially, the servant (in this instance, myself) is asking the Lord, "How do you expect anyone to succeed in THESE circumstances? This is the worst situation that anyone could ever be given. There is no chance that this person, in this situation, could change."

But, the Lord feels differently. In the very next verse, He replies:

"Counsel me not; I knew that it was a poor spot of ground; wherefore, I said unto thee, I have nourished it this long time, and thou beholdest that it hath brought forth much fruit."

Isn't that great? "Counsel me not." In Hugh B. Brown's words, this is God saying, "I am the gardener here." God is able to help anyone change.

President Thomas S. Monson quoted a prison warden, who said, "I work with men, and men change every day." For the past two years, I have seen men change.


The second great lesson I have learned is that God is able to make miracles happen, but it is usually in fairly normal ways. I have shared this story before, but it always stands out to me. One night, all of our appointments cancelled and every idea we had fell apart. Eventually, the idea popped into my mind: How about we go through our phone and just call every contact that we don't recognize? Then we can just invite them to be taught!

We went for it. No one really answered the phone, so we left a bunch of awkward voicemails. A handful of numbers had been disconnected. Eventually, though, a girl answered! We talked a little bit as I tried to explain why I was calling her. Apparently, she'd met the missionaries at the grocery store three years earlier, and had passed her phone number on then, but they'd never got a hold of her. Eventually, I just was straightforward and asked if we could come by and teach her. "You know.... I would like that," she said. Honestly, I was caught off guard. I didn't really think this calling strategy would work. But then, she continued, "It's actually weird that you called. I was raised Christian, but have kind of fallen away. My life is falling apart, and to be honest, I am just about at rock bottom now. But, this morning, I prayed and asked God for a way out. Then a few hours later, you called. It's just weird."

I would exchange the word weird for "miraculous."

If this was the only time anything like this had occurred, I could blow it off. But it isn't. As the prophet Moroni said, "My beloved brethren, have miracles ceased? Behold I say unto you, Nay." (Moroni 7:29.)


The third great lesson I have learned is the importance of the basics. In the Missionary Training Center, they

really harp on revelation through church attendance, revelation through prayer, and revelation through reading the Book of Mormon. It didn't take me long to realize why.

There was one lady we taught who started off very antagonistic towards the idea of religion in general, not to mention a religion which claims that a 14-year-old farm boy saw God. But, we invited her (all right, we pretty much dared her) to read the Book of Mormon in two weeks. She didn't quite make it... it took her about three weeks. It was amazing that she could do that. But even more amazing was the transformation that took place as she did so. The Spirit that is felt as we read that book changed her. That was what converted her, and she was baptized soon after.

Another lady that we taught really showed the power of all three of those aspects taught in the MTC--prayer, scripture study, and church attendance. She'd grown up in about as tough of a situation as I can imagine, and as life went on, it wasn't getting easier on her. In all reality, her whole set of circumstances ruined, if not eliminated, her self-esteem and her feelings of self-worth. As we taught her, I don't think much of what we normally teach sunk in; in fact, I think we taught the Restoration half a dozen times before she finally understood what a prophet was. But here's what did work. She read the Book of Mormon daily. She prayed many times a day. She was at church every single week. When we do these things, we realize that, in fact, "we are the offspring of God" (Acts 17:29) and he cares for us very, very much. Her transformation was absolutely incredible. She too, was baptized soon after.

Watching these experiences were great, but would be empty if I didn't have my own. Two different times on my mission, I hit somewhat of a personal faith crisis. When you are out studying and teaching the gospel all day, it is on your mind a lot. In one of these instances, I began to have some serious questions about the First Vision. As I stewed over these things in my mind, trying to logically sort through them, I was coming up empty. My faith was crumbing, and I didn't know where to turn. One day, I finally decided I needed to put in a little extra work and really find out for myself if Joseph was called of God. That evening, I spent three or four hours scouring over Joseph's account of the First Vision published in the Pearl of Great Price. Not only did I read Joseph's words, I went through every single cross reference. And then, I prayed. It would be foolish of me to try to put words to my feelings here, so I won't try. But it was incredible. The Spirit witnessed to me of the reality of that vision. I would not have that same testimony if I hadn't spent the time to read scriptures and pray.


The fourth lesson I have learned largely stems from that same story of my personal faith crisis. It is that I can testify, with Paul, that, "There hath no temptation taken you but such as is common to man" (1 Corinthians 10:13).

I was able to find answers to many of my questions on my own. But this left me feeling just that: Alone. Even
more, there were many questions I could not find my own answers for. I tried to take it on faith, but was coming up empty. Ultimately, I had to seek help. Thankfully, I found it in people who had been where I had been before.

Since that time, I have had multiple people contact me asking me about their own questions and concerns. Members of the Church, non-members, even other missionaries. They knew that I had been there, and might offer some advice or give them some direction.

While my questions and concerns may not me exactly relevant to every person, I have learned a valuable lesson. We are not the only one to have ever gone through the trials we are experiencing. I believe that is part of why we have the Church of Jesus Christ, not just the gospel of Jesus Christ. We need that community to build us up and rely upon.


Fifth, I have learned that the gospel is very real. Not just true, but real. I think this is one of the main things I have learned from the Prophet Joseph Smith. As I wrote on my Mormon.org profile,

Joseph exemplified why "No prophet is accepted in his own country" (Luke 4:24), because he is here and now. We can see him and scrutinize him and tear him apart like no other man. But what does this do? It makes the gospel real. It isn't a message about a far off land of Jerusalem in a far off time in the first century. It is a message for all people in all ages. God hasn't forgotten man. He hasn't overlooked them. He hasn't moved past them. He certainly isn't missing our pains and sorrows and struggles and pleas. The Restoration of the Gospel proves that God loves His children in any time and in any place.

Joseph is similar to Moses, who fought his own infirmities (Exodus 4:10). He, like Saul, often "wast little in [his] own sight" (1 Samuel 15:17). He fought his own "thorn[s] in [his] flesh" just as Paul (2 Corinthians 12:7). Ultimately, he shows the gospel works.

I feel very strongly about this. God works here and now with real people who live in today's world. I have

no idea how God uses a guy like me as a missionary, but He does. I certainly am not Mr. Spirituality 2014, but yet the Lord has worked miracles through me.

But it's not just through me or through Joseph Smith. It is through all of us. The gospel takes the fact that we are highly imperfect people, and it goes with it. Paraphrasing Hugh Nibley, "When it comes to the gospel, it is not so much about our position as our direction." As long as we are moving forward, God works with us. He works with us in all of our stupidity and frailty and ignorance and arrogance. He takes us up in His arms even with our mistakes and slips and bruises. But He doesn't just take us to caress us. He takes us to utilize us in building up His Kingdom.

I have come to love this verse in Alma 29:19:

"And behold, when I see many of my brethren truly penitent, and coming to the Lord their God, then is my soul filled with joy; then do I remember what the Lord has done for me, yea, even that he hath heard my prayer; yea, then do I remember his merciful arm which he extended towards me."

The Gospel of Jesus Christ is real because it uses real people, like me. When I see the gospel working in others, I am reminded of how amazing it is that it has worked in me.

Finally, I have learned that Jesus really can "succor [us] according to [our] infirmities." (Alma 7:12.) I have learned that He is very aware of where we are and what our current fears and struggles are. He knows what we long to accomplish, and what is holding us back from getting there. He knows not only what we long to accomplish, but what we are capable of accomplishing, even becoming "sons of God... [who] shall be like him; for we shall see him as he is." (1 John 3:2.)

Joseph Smith once said that anyone called to preach the gospel was foreordained to do so. Alma 13 teaches that those who have the Melchezidek priesthood were foreordained to do so. Jeremiah learned that God knew him before he was even formed in the belly. Isaiah saw himself volunteering, before even coming to Earth, to take God's word to a nation of hardened men who would not listen.

My patriarchal blessing insinuates that my personality has stuck with me since before I was born. Any of you who know me very well will laugh at that a little bit. But to think that God has known me--my goofiness, my struggles, my occasional faithlessness, my arrogance, and all--and still foreordained me to be where I am is incredible.

Only the Savior of the World could get me here. Only through Him can I ever "become holy, without spot." (Moroni 10:33.) I have felt Him strengthen me, and I have witnessed Him strengthen those I have taught. Watching this happen leads me to say, with Ammon, "I cannot say the smallest part which I feel." (Alma 26:16.)

This Church is the Lord's Kingdom once again on the Earth. Joseph Smith truly was the Lord's prophet in these last days. Jesus of Nazareth really was exactly who He said He was--namely, the Son of God, the Messiah, and our Redeemer. Through Him, miracles happen regularly, and people do change. My mission has changed me, just as my stake president promised, but I am not responsible for that. The Savior and His Atonement are responsible for that. My Heavenly Father and His trust are responsible for that. And, in many ways, many of you are responsible for that. I thank you, very, very deeply, for helping me have the best two years for my life.